From China, with love

When I set out on my quest for a wedding dress, I had visions of a dress that classic, simple and light enough for a wedding in Mexico, but didn’t look like a slip or a nightgown either. Designers of the world, is that so much to ask? Are there really women out there willing to wear whatever you, designer, decided to pile on? There must be or you wouldn’t buy magazine ads. What is up with all the overpriced, blaring white, lace-and-tulle-and-glitz crusted barf piles?

That became my attitude, and I admit my attitude was bad. But I was losing hope; and I had precious few wedding magazines to look through, the ones our families kindly sent our way. I perused a wedding dress mall in Beijing that was full of gigantic cupcake dresses, which are en vogue with the Chinese gals. No luck there. I found a tailor, and that gave me hope; the prices seemed reasonable, cheaper than off-the-rack options. But what would I have made?

I hit the internet, and luckily found a great selection of dresses to peruse. I want to recommend www.brides.com. It has an awesome gallery of wedding dress pics, and the pics include front and back shots, both close up and far away. I found what I was looking for in the Vera Wang Spring 2008 gallery. Don’t all the model brides look like starving zombie bride-sticks?: “Feeed usss.” Actually, I thought many of these dresses from the collection were unflattering for “normal” women, and even made the zombie bride-sticks look fat. All those pleats right at the waist? C’mon. The mermaid look? C’mon. Good solely for hip magnification. I wanted an empire-waist fitted A-line, a dress cut that is a friend to all women. I found one I thought pretty and took a gamble.

And now, after all that searching, hemming and hawing, and bitching, and many trips to Beijing, I picked up my wedding dress from Yashow Market. It is similar to this dress.

Except, without that big silver doohicky and the little piece of material fanning up in front. Also, I have boobs and hips and an actual waist, unlike the yard stick. Eat a steak, woman. And a dinner roll or five. My dress doesn’t have the big burst of volume in the back. It has a very slight train. I actually thought all of that material in the back was interesting and lovely, but not really in sync with a casual affair in Mexico. And I’m sure I’d trip on it. I made the back dramatically lower, but not, you know, slutty. My dress is lined with silk and has a top layer of silk organza. It does have the cool organza bow and some extra flowy organza attached to the bow. I can’t stop saying organza. Silk organza. What a great word. I added an extra lining because even after those two layers were sewn the overall look was nightgown-ish and thin. The English speaking tailor assistant and I fought about the third layer, for some reason. We basically yelled at each other and then she hung up on me. But after the dust settled, the dress was perfectly lined and I paid an extra $14 for the fabric and work. The whole thing took five or so fittings and I’m overall so satisfied. These tailors are amazing. I showed them a picture and they cut the fabric and produced a dress without even a pattern.

That being said, the process wasn’t a cinch. Bargaining for a big purchase in China isn’t friendly and it isn’t pretty. It’s kind of like a war combined with psychological dance. If any Beijing or expat-bride-to-be-on-a-budget reads this, I would advise you to ask about the price per meter of each different silk you are interested in. Have an assistant measure you and tell you exactly how much fabric you need for what you want. Have them then make an itemized list of exactly what you are paying for. Then, try to beat down the price on each item: work and different fabrics. Maybe even do this at two or three places to get an idea before you settle. Stage a few walk offs. I told the sales girl that another place had agreed to make my dress for half as much as she quoted me, which wasn’t true. And then I walked away to think about the offer. When I came back, she lowered the price by another $30. I didn’t do the itemizing strategy for my wedding dress, but I have ordered two more dresses and and this saved major cash. Because, as a foreigner, you are especially subject to higher prices than what a local person would pay. Automatically, the price went down on the two dresses I ordered after my wedding dress as it became clear with some itemizing that the tailor’s assistant was doing some interesting “rounding up” and also quoting me for a silk lining when I said I wanted a cheap whatever lining.

Once the price is settled, you have to do a lot of nitpicking. If there is a seam crooked here or a funky pleat there, I told them to fix it and exactly how it should be fixed. They then told me if what I wanted was feasible or not; usually, it was. This was a downside only in that it was weird for me as I’m not used to pointing out mistakes and making demands. It was good for me though, too. I learned how to better say what I want, without posing it as a wimpy question. But I always found something nice to say to the tailor before I told him to redo something else.

And I had a lot of moments after a fitting where I thought it looked like crap and I would utterly freak out and get really down about it on the bus ride home. That felt incredibly lonely; I needed my mom and sisters in those moments. I think we will go fake wedding dress shopping as soon as I get home, just for fun. Actually, even though I have my dress, I’m really excited about that. And looking forward to being with my family again. I better not see a dress I like better, though!

If there was a problem, by the next fitting, the problem was typically fixed or vastly improved upon. I should mention that not included in the amazing low low price of the dress ($170) was all the money and time I spent going back and forth to Beijing; by bus it’s about three and a half hours away. This was a fun part of the process for me, though. I love going to a big city. I got to travel by myself in another country, and one of my favorite things to do is just zone out on a train or a bus with a book or music or a magazine or pad of paper with a mug of coffee.

When I was with Mark (he never came with me to the tailor, don’t worry) or anyone else, we would make a point to get a great lunch. Because there is no decent western food in Qinhuangdao, except for McDonald’s, we always go to Grandma’s Kitchen near the embassies for down home diner food. I had an excuse to stay in a Hutong hostel, shop at antique and various other markets. And any excuse to shop puts a smile on my face.

I’m really spoiling myself and also having my own version of this dress made.

Except, sans those pleats around the waist that will make me look six months pregnant. C’mon, Vera! Get a clue.

For laughs, check out this site: www.uglydress.com.